I don't know if it's pregnancy hormones, Branner turning into such a big boy, or both. But, lately I have been plagued with worrisome thoughts. From going into labor with Leighton (not about actual labor; about it happening and not knowing what to do with B), to bullying (what if other kids are mean to them, or worse-what if they are the bullies?), to my kids riding bikes alone through the neighborhood (what if they got hit by a car?), to them reaching driving age (self explanatory), to accidents, their health (what if something bad happens to one of them?), our health (what if one of us were to get sick?), the health of our family members (what if one of them were to get sick?)—the list could go on and on—these little doubts and scary thoughts creep into my head and steal away moments of peace and contentment. I hate it.
I don't want to be a worrier. I have tried hard not to be one. It has worked for quite some time. I was being so good at pushing these thoughts and fears away and simply soaking in the moment. But, these last few weeks, they've been seeping back in through the cracks. Being a daughter, granddaughter, sister, wife, aunt, friend and (especially) mommy can be frightening if you think about the "what ifs." I don't want any of the joy I find in these roles stolen away for one minute because of worry, doubt, or fear.
Moving forward, I need to make a conscious effort to live in the moment and enjoy what I have in front of me. This post is really just a reminder to myself of that. Worry less/Pray more...that's what I need to do!
